Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
