matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
