just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
