so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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