So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
