Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He has the fingertips of a God
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