A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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