fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
