I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
