all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
