New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
