i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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