i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
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dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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