I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
