My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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