What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
