woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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