Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
