new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
