I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
