Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
