Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
