I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
