She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
