dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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