I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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