I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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