I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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