what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
