My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
