drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come share oat with me in your robe
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I deserve this hangover.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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