mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
