I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
