all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
All the doctor said was why
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
