We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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