Where did you get a picture of my penis
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
