I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
