By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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