Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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