The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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