jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
