Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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