I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
