tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just googled if crying burns calories
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize