Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
