if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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