I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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