So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
