bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
