Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
