This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Randomize
