After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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