he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
