Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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