it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
