RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
