You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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