Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
