even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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