I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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