I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
