Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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