Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
