So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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