and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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