it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
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Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
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It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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