I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
