I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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