I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
