Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
