Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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