Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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